could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
