I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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