no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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