I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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