He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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