before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
