where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
