can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
