I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
