You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
