I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
