you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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