so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
