I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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