fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
