How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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