Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
