So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
