Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
