when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
