Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
