Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
