Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
