I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
