do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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