if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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