I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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