no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
