All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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