it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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