In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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