Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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