everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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