I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
