Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
a search helicopter?!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
