Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
