Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
