I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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