quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
