He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
