last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
