i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
