i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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