is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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