Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
