I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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