I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
