call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
