One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
