I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
