remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
barbara walters just said penis...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
