you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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