think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
