I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
