Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
