C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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