I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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