my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
