Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We are two peas in an std pod
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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