this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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