Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
