who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
even my farts smell like vagina
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
