at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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