he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
