So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
