Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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