So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
