sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Randomize
