Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
