He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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