OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
