You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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