Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
