i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize