3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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