My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
